How do you want to feel on your wedding day?

Dear Thriving Bride,

I believe most women have certain things in common.  We want to be loved for who we are (on the inside and out) and to feel beautiful even when we are not feeling beautiful.

I recently spoke to my “brother” Mike and asked him to walk me down the aisle.

I have known Mike since I first arrived on the University of California, Berkeley campus almost 15 years ago, and we were part of a small group of East Coasters who ended up at Berkeley.  So, we became close and Mike has seen me in almost every adult relationship I have had.

Mike is my brother by “experience”, even though we don’t share blood.  I know, that no matter what, he will show up and support me whenever I need him to.  I know he will beat  bad boyfriends and hunt down the ones in hiding.  Thankfully, I haven’t had to worry too much about bad boyfriends, but I know Mike is there when I need him.

I told you that I spoke to him the other day, but I did not tell you why.

Let me slow down and give you a little background.  In 2001, my younger brother died in a car accident, one day shy of his 18th birthday.  In 2007, my older brother died in Nigeria. I was not close to my older brother.  In fact, he sexually and physically abused me and my younger brother.  I did not have much to say to him, and when I was younger I always found myself shaking uncontrollably when he was around.  Despite this history, his death made me realize that I had no brothers.

Today is day 82.

There are 82 days until I get married. I had a pact with my younger brother: when i got married, he would walk me down the aisle.  I miss him even more now, but as I got really sad, I remembered a moment I had with Mike.  After both of my brother’s had died, I found NY Yankees cap that belonged to my younger brother and gave it to Mike while I asked him to be my brother.  He said he would, and we cried together on some street in New York city.

I miss my brother, but I needed to decide how to get the essence of my emotions and pack it into that day.  I can’t change my parents’ behavior nor can I bring my brother back, but I can feel the love and support on my wedding day from my brother Mike.

Mike said he will be there.  I get to have my brother walk me down the aisle.  Figure out how you want to feel and find ways to make it happen.  I wanted to feel loved and supported by my brother, and how lucky am I to receive this gift!

  • Jill Guerra

    Uhhhhh…. you’re making me cry. I love you Uchechi!