Your job is to let him give to you and get out of the way!

Dear Thriving Bride,

Is there something extra special that your soon to be husband wants to do for you? Does he want to take you on a surprise honeymoon? Maybe he wants to buy you some one of a kind (and expensive in your opinion) jewelry for you to wear on your wedding day and cherish for a lifetime?

My advice of the day is:

Just let him do it!

I know it may be hard, and a I know your eyes may already be popping out of their eye sockets just thinking about the cost of the wedding flowers. But guess what? This could be an opportunity for you to step back, give him permission to show his love to you in the way that he chooses to. As your prepare for this wonderful journey in life together, this might also be an opportunity for you take a look at what’s going on within you and maybe discover some places where you can fine tune your already fabulous self. I don’t like to give advise without getting specific and using my life as an example. After all, I’m here to tell you what I know and you can do with it what you’d like. Surprise!But most of your reading this might just want to know that I am real after all: real as in dealing with the challenges that I present to you and not holding back for the sake of privacy. This blog is not about privacy. It is about making room for all of our selves so that others can find a place to fit in. Now, onto using myself as an example. My dear man wants to bring a Nigerian band to our wedding. I love the idea, especially because this band is just amazing and we both have connections to the band leader. I have been concerned about money and I want to “stay within the budget.”

Yesterday PJ told me that he had found a way to make it happen and possibly someone to produce it, and I realized later that I did not immediately get excited when he told me this. Instead, my mind went to this place of concern and questions and PJ (to his credit) called me on it. He simply told me that he was trying to make this happen and was wondering if my responses were coming from the right place. Here’s a little information you should know:

So, my parents are most likely not coming.

Not because they can’t make the trip, but because they are not good at supporting me unconditionally. They want to come as long as we do this and that, which seems to change all the time. I know that Peter wants to bring the band to really have a very unique  element to make our wedding unforgettable, but I also because he wants me to have the “feeling” of a Nigerian wedding and not be sad about their absence. The truth is, I am not sad about their absence.

I am sad about the feeling that I will not have people there who love me unconditionally and are always there for me no matter what who feel like parents. So, I solved that dilemma by reaching out to my Fairy God Parents (yes, that is who they are and it works out quite well) and my other parents who live here and the emotional roller coaster I was going through has settled down a bit. These people have committed to supporting me, and now I feel a lot stronger going forward.

So, if PJ wants to bring me that slice of joy that he hopes will make this day everything and more for me, then I will allow him to do so. Who am I to say what he can and cannot do for me on this special day? Once I realized what was really going on within me, I could let it go. And by the way, after the worry fades away most of us feel really blessed and really touched that we chose such a caring partner. 71 more days Dear Brides. I hope you will continue the journey with me!