Dear Thriving Bride,
It is 60 days until my wedding, and all I can think of the fact that I am getting married to the man I love in two months. AHHHHHHHHHHH! I am so excited! So much has happened (and caused some pretty stressful moments in the last few months), but my partner and I have chosen to handle these things in a positive way as they have come up. First of all, many things have changed since I last posted. We have let go of our old wedding venue, and secured a new one. Thankfully, we’ve been able to handle the emotions associated with the last minute changes that may usually freak many brides out, especially when it comes to a key element for your event: the wedding venue. But, it has taken a lot of willingness and effort on our part. For me, it’s really helped me to gain some perspective in this whole process.
So, there’s not much to say about the change except that the essence of what we wanted to experience and what we found ourselves experiencing with our other place did not match up. Note to brides: Just like you would in any relationship, when any component of your wedding has a lot of red flags (your planner not planning as you’d like, lack of communication from your venue, etc), it may be time to kindly excuse yourself and go looking for people who can help you make your wedding day vision happen as you’d like it to happen. It’s simple, so don’t even bother feeling guilty, and keep walking.
The stress of a destination wedding, the venue, confirming our guests, completing all the projects we were working on for our own business, dealing with the ups and downs of client management and all the emotions I have shared with you concerning my biological family came to a head this week and one day my dear man and I just had a heated argument. So far, we’d been doing pretty well (and still did all things considered on this day) but the effects of everything that was happening, not happening and about to happen was very clear. Just when I thought it was going to be so difficult to bear, I ran into a woman that I see and talk with every now and then.
There is something about her that is always full of the truth: the way she carries herself, the fact that when she asks “how are you” she really means it, and the depth of experience of life that she is able to bring to every interaction we have. Just a day or so after this difficult conversation with PJ, I ran into this woman and she asked me how I was doing. I started to talk about the wedding, my family, the emotional challenges, the joys and how when I was younger I was so afraid of being married off to a man I did not know due to the tradition of arranged marriages in the Nigerian culture I grew up with. At that moment, it hit me that I had figured out how to manage my stress. I did not have the words to describe it yet, but I just kept talking. I told her about how marrying PJ was my “dream” wedding because I had achieved what had seemed like an almost impossible thing by moving outside of cultural expectations and deciding who I wanted to spend my life with. That was it! I had found my “center of perspective.”
So, what is your ” Bridal Center of Perspective?”
What is that moment in your life that helps you understand the bigger picture, and allows you to let go of the things that do not matter so much in order for you to enjoy this time leading up to such an important day in your life. Is it the death of a loved one? Is it the fact that you survived a challenging illness? Did you “narrowly” escape an unhealthy relationship right before you met the man you are marrying. Whatever it is, find that place, name it, hold it and keep it like a favorite jewel and say it to yourself over and over again until it becomes your mantra.
So, once I realized that I was already experiencing my dream wedding I could let everything else go. This does not mean that the other details do not matter, it just means that the other details should not overshadow your “center of perspective.” Try it! I think it just might help you.