Dear Thriving Bride,
I will be married in 4 days, and I want to thank my friend JG for calling me today and leaving an inspiring message. I have not called her back yet, but it took just a few words for me to be inspired enough to stop and write this. JG reminded me that although I have done everything to be a “thriving bride”, it is also normal to have a “bridal panic attack.” I want everyone to know that I am not having a “bridal panic attack.” I actually feel pretty great, it’s just that it’s hitting me how my life is about to change.
My life has changed so many times, so I am used to change. That’s not the issue here. The issue here comes down to a moment I had with PJ a month or so before he asked me to marry him. We were in our New York City apartment and had just returned from a wonderful trip together, and I decided to watch one of my very important television shows that night. As I watched it, I saw couples separated by death and devastation and I realized that I loved PJ from that place inside me that knew loss, and knew it very well. I also loved him from that place that knew that despite loss, it was part of my nature to continue loving and loving and loving.
It is part of my nature. I was born into a family that could not love me in the way I needed, but I loved my brother in that way. It was that kind of caring that said: whatever happens, I take you as you are. As PJ slept in our NYC apartment I watched this show and cried my eyes out and then I had to go to the bedroom and tell him how I was feeling. I had to tell him that I loved him from that place of what I thought had been lost after too much loss, but was now very possible. I had to tell him I loved him from that place of capacity that had in fact been diminished for some time, but was now capable and able. I loved him from that place of knowing that loss is the other side of love, and an inevitable part of it that makes loving so palpable when it is actually felt and expressed.
No, I am not having a “bridal panic attack.” I might have one the day of the wedding. I might look around me and wonder how this day all came together. I will see my surrogate parents there and family of varying ages and backgrounds. It will be that moment of knowing that I love all of them so deeply knowing that I could lose all of them at the same time.
The loss is inevitable, but the love is rare. What a wonderful thing it is to know that Dear Bride. And even when you feel like everything is spinning out of control, go back to that. Love is really rare, and so if you find that you have the chance to share in its joy, please do so!
And if you find yourself in a “bridal panic attack”, you most likely need a moment to take in the fact that you, yes you, are capable of loving this much. And also you will need to take in the fact that you, yes you, are about to change the course of your life forever. And you, yes you, will need to remember that this is one of the most blessed and unique opportunities that this life will give us.
I will be married in 4 days. What a lucky girl I am! Yes, what a lucky girl I am!