There are many words and ideas that I will use throughout my posts. Some have formal definitions in the dictionary (and I have taken the liberty to adopt my own according to my life experiences), while others stem from thoughts and ideas that I’ve always wanted to get out there an share with anyone who is interested in living their best life possible. I hope this is helpful!
Bridal Center of Perspective: What is that time or event in your life that gives you some perspective while you are planning your wedding? For me, it was realizing that I had “chosen” the man I was marrying instead of having him chosen for me according to my family traditions.
Bride’s Right to Choose: This is kind of in line with a “woman’s right to choose” what to do with her body, but this is to help the newly engaged woman realize that she has the ability to say what she does and does not want to do for her wedding. Of course she will need to discuss this with her fiance, but the idea is that her voice matters here and she should use it. Trust me, many people will have their opinions and now is the time to use your “right to choose.”
Capacity: This is about space (literally and metaphorically). You must ask yourself if the people in your life in general, and particularly during this time, have the capacity to support you along the way. If they don’t, that’s fine as long as it does not interfere with how you want to feel on that day. If people can’t make “space” for you (just as you are) you might want to reconsider inviting them!
Emotionally Sustainable Wedding: Everyone knows it’s better to eat less meat, ride your bike instead of drive all the time and recycle your bottles and cans as well as paper goods. It’s better for the planet–Right? So, we know about Eco Friendly Green Weddings, but what about Emotionally Friendly Weddings. Why not? Our emotional health is just as important as our environmental health. So, go green for your wedding by figuring out how to recycle the challenges into something that can be reused for the good of all. Again, this phrase alone deserves its own post! Do it for the emotional well-being of your community, your family and the planet!
Wedding Therapy: From the time you say “I will” until the time you say “I do”, you need some help from a trained psychotherapist. Just get one! You will be much happier in the planning process.
Living: When we live, we stop operating based on past traumas and realize that we have the power to make our own decisions. You understand that the specific trauma is no longer happening and that life is not threatening, but actually a pretty good experience.
Love: I love how this word spelled backwards uses the Latin root evol, which means to turn, to change. I like to think of love as meaning: How much and to what extent are you willing to evolve to allow someone to see you clearly and honestly enough to make space for you in his or her life just as you are? Got it! Good!
Self Created and Community Sustained: This wonderful day needs to showcase the couple’s personality and really be something you want to look back on and be very proud of. But, don’t forget that there are many people in your family of experience and blood who are cheering you along the way. So, find ways to honor them and involve them without sacrificing the things that are most important to you. To me, it’s a really great way to have a really Emotionally Sustainable Wedding: good for the emotional well-being of your community, your family and the planet!
Surviving: When we survive, we only know how to live using the same patterns of behavior that we relied on when we were deeply in the midst of the specific trauma.
Thriving: You want to understand the past and what happened, use it as much as you can to move forward and live the life you always wanted to with no regrets. And when we thrive, we live our best lives possible understanding that our stories and who we are in the present moment are two very related but different things.
Thriving Bride Family Values: Any traditions or values that you and your partner want to have in your life now and in the future. It usually involves sorting through your own family of origin values and picking what works for you, letting go of the rest, and incorporating the new.
Thriving Bride Wedding Tradition: Anything you choose to do before or during your wedding that is in agreement with choices that bring you joy or that you are at peace with.
Thriving Bride: A bride who comes to the altar with challenging circumstances that are often, but not always connected to her family of origin. She understands that this makes her a “Different Kind of Bride,” but embraces “different” as an opportunity to be “distinct” and not “diminished.” Instead of assuming these circumstances will not allow her to have her wonderful day as she has always imagined it, she re imagines what wonderful can look like and becomes creative to create an amazing event with her partner. Throughout this process, she honors her feelings as they come up, while honoring how amazing she was to survive and live, and focuses her attention on throwing a bad ass party (and life) with no regrets.